Reflecting To My 18 Year Old Self
When I was 18, I just graduated (June 2009 @ 17) and like most 18 year olds I was in that transition phase. Going from being told when to eat, run a lap or go home, to complete freedom. I was attending a small college and it wasn’t the best experience. When I discovered HBCU’s the year prior, I was so intrigued and that’s all I had my heart set on. I did all my research, I just knew I’d join every West Indian club, live the dorm life, make great friends and of course get my degree. I wanted the experience of being on my own and figuring out life my way. None of that worked out for me.There was no support in that dream. None at all. It’s honestly still one of my biggest regrets in life. I ended up somewhere that depressed me for two years. A mixture of hating my school, being introverted, social anxieties really ruined a lot of experiences. However, I eventually started to meet new people and warm up to new friends. But, it took me so long to warm up, that once again I was the new chick in a group of best friends, even though I’d been there the whole time. It was the worst feeling. Eighteen was when I started filling voids with shopping and i’d go on random trips every chance I got. Just avoiding all my problems if possible. I remember being told I’d be a psychologist that needed therapy. I swear that sticks with me until this day. Probably, why I never continued my Psychology degree.
Just a short 5 years later…..
I’m glad I didn’t push for that degree because, psychology wasn’t a great fit. Apart of me still wishes I went away for school, but I hear everything happens for a reason. Maybe two years of that horrible college experience was needed so I could be who I am now. Maybe I just need to charge it to the game and stop thinking there’s some alternative life I missed out on. I’ve grown so much and yet apart of me still thinks “What If.” What if I could give 18 year old me some advice. I’d tell her:
1. Stop walking with your head down.It doesn’t make you invisible.
2. Don’t second guess yourself. Your intuition is usually right!
3. Get out of your head, even if it’s your comfort zone, it’s pushing people away.
4. Don’t worry about what other people think. You will never satisfy everyone and that’s ok.
5. The choices you make today will effect tomorrow. So don’t set yourself up for regrets.
6. Stay away from credit cards.You might really need them one day, when you’re mature enough to handle them.
|This was me at 18, I also thought I’d be a graphic designer for a short period.|